I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of girl I’d like.

I want a nice, normal, average girl. The kind who doesn’t live outside her means, who doesn’t need the feigned-fulfillment of clothes or other worthless commodities. The kind who doesn’t need to resort to vices like drinking or smoking to have fun. The kind who can be found staying in on the weekends curled up on a chair reading. The kind who doesn’t need or try to impress anyone. The kind with a grasp on what’s really important. 

The kind who isn’t like me.

all i want is to get into one of these nsf reu summer research programs, the cali one would be nice,. nothing sounds better to me than getting 5 grand from the government to come fuck around in cali to do chemistry research that i love to do for 10 weeks of my summer. seriously, i’d work in a lab for like 5 hours a day then go do whatever i want in cali. plus it’d look real nice on my resume and cv. 

now i love it when i have homework, cause honestly, i have no idea what the fuck to study when i open my quantitative analytical chem textbook

has revolved around:

waking up from 10-2 and making myself an egg sandwich

working with my dad for a couple of hours

staying in, smoking, and playing bioshock 2 or all stars, or going out, drinking, smoking, then coming home and playing bioshock 2 or all stars

im very content right now, although this week i have to start shadowing at my uncle’s dental practice, because i need shadowing hours for a possible med school resume. i also am not sure whether to drop orgo lab and take it over the summer, and then take tokugawa japan as a history writing class this semester, to fulfill my harpur requirement and a possible history minor. ugggh im so indecisive

and im still home for like another 3-4 weeks

keeping this written note for myself of who to draft next year… in order of reasons

adrian peterson

arian foster

calvin johnson

brandon marshall

rg3

brady

newton again cause he’s dirt

tomorrow’s my day of classes. 

inorganic final monday, history and physics final wednesday

only a little bit more time until im done. i hope to based god that i can pull like a 3.5 this semester. i might even get higher than that depending on how well i do during finals and on my arthurian lit term paper. but at the same token, if i do bad on these finals i might get down to like a 3.2, which would be pretty disheartening considering the amount of time i’ve been putting into this semester. i need to know that if i try and keep up with my work it will pay off, because it’s only going to get ridiculously harder with each semester. my next fall semester will already be thermodynamic chem, physical chem, chem of solids, and 12 hours of inorganic chem research a week. i need to do well this and next semester to even stand a chance next year.

#chemistrymajorproblems

someone help me learn to derive term symbols from an electron microstate table oh god

and then teach me how to make a molecular orbital diagram for heteroatomic molecules and how to find out which irreducible representation it’s associated with from i hate that

fuck chem i hate chem no i love chem why am i a chem major why aren’t i a chem major fuck me

i might actually be able to go into medicine omg

turns out i was estimating my grade wrong. i thought an A was 3.5 not 4. with some new calculations I can have like a 3.6 if i get 2 a’s and 2 b’s per semester this year, then 3 a’s and 1 b for each semester for the rest of college. this is great considering i might end up taking 3 chem classes next semester, possibly including molecular photochem a 500 level… uggggh

idk it’d be cool to be a doctor or a dentist. either really. i just need that to happen because i dont want to think of a backup..

That I let you fuck me over that badly? Or that I still care?

I just want to be drunk, but I ended up only having 3 beers. Guess I’ll have this weekend to put it all behind me.

I always fuck up. Another Evan Williams night, another blackout night. I normally expect and embrace those, but last night I fucked up badly. I went and hooked up with this girl that’s together with my friend, and I feel absolutely horrible about it. I don’t remember the night enough to know where the blame lies, but all I am certain of is that I’m entirely responsible for my actions. The weird part is that before last night I never even had a conversation with this girl, despite the fact that she’s been around for awhile now because of my friend. This means that the only reason I’d ever even do it, despite the fact that I was blackout drunk at the time, stems from the fact that she’s a redhead. I don’t know why I’ve been so inclined towards that lately, but it’s evident. The last five girls I’ve gotten with were all redheads. It’s very strange actually, and it almost makes me wonder whether they’re inclined to me as much as I am to them, as ridiculous as it sounds. Either way, I’m going to be putting a serious hold on my drinking, and hopefully a stop to this trend that I’m none too pleased about. 

Had all my friends over tonight. Took 11 Jager bombs and drank 5 beers and felt completely sober the entire night because of the stress of having people over.

Walk into my kitchen, someone put 2 dead eels in my sink. My kitchen still smells.

Then after everyone leaves and the stress fades, I suddenly feel absolutely terrible. I feel like I’m going to puke. I feel as though I’m still sober, per se, but the physiological affects of all the alcohol aren’t sitting well with my body. I hope I don’t puke. Normally if I’m drunk enough to puke, I’m just that, drunk. I’ll normally black out and not even remember puking, which is fantastic. I’d hate to be up all night puking now and remembering every second of it. Especially because I’m going to the gym in 7 hours, and then spending the entire day outside on my boat on the water..

Thank you lord jesus almighty. Fangirl’d so hard

Fucking amazing show. Big D has an awesome set, but were technically an opener, so they only played for about a half hour. It was a bit annoying how everything became push pits rather than skank pits, but it was still fantastic nonetheless. 

Holy shit. That went to fast. Going home Wednesday. Can’t wait for summer to begin. Don’t want to get a job. Fuck.

I’m content with the fact that no one will read this.

Had another organic chemistry test today. I originally wasn’t going to take anything for it, but after thinking, I realized it probably wouldn’t hurt. I needed to do really well on it too, so I could drop my second exam, which was a 159/250, or a C+. My first one was at 209/250 after the re-grade, which puts it at a B+. If I can get around another B+ for this exam, I’d be sitting nicely at around a solid A- after the curve. 

But anyway, I ultimately decided to take it. It was only one 60mg vyvanse this time, so I didn’t think it’d have a massive effect, considering last time I took vyvanse, I took it with a 18mg concerta as well. As my test was at 7, I figured taking it at 5 would give me sufficient enough time for it to kick in, thus saving me the trouble of having to parachute it. Not that I hate parachuting, but I just would rather have had it come as a gradual buildup, then a sudden shock.

Now these study drugs ultimately work because they bind to monoamine neurotransmitters, allowing more dopamine and seratonin to be released. I personally think that this allows one to study more, because they physically feel good doing it. 

Now I don’t know if you know this, but I’m a chemistry major. It’s always been my favorite subject, I can’t explain it. I love the problem solving, the reactions, the compounds; all the reasons why most hate it. I think that’s what allowed this time to feel much different. When I took it to study biology last week, a subject I loathe, despite it’s popularity among pre-med kids, I just felt focused. I was able to effectively study, and as such, it served it’s purpose. But when I took it for this orgo test, well, something was different. It turns out my timing was near impeccable, and it started to peak right as I started the exam. So right away I was alert and incredibly focused. But about half-way through the test I noticed something. Taking the test felt strangely… good. And not like a sigh of relief good, but an actual feeling, so to speak. I felt as though I was eating the greatest chicken bacon ranch slice of pizza drunk while getting a blowjob. I don’t know whether it was because I actually knew the material, because I love chemistry so much, or merely because I was physically on something, but I didn’t care. I almost didn’t want to hand in that test, because I physically wanted to keep doing orgo problems. 

In all, hopefully I do well on this test. If I do, I may have to keep these study drugs as an option if I want any chance of still getting into medical school. I might just sound completely retarded, but these are my thoughts anyway.

Now excuse me while I pull an all-nighter.